I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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