break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
