so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Randomize
