but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
