I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
