and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
