Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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