Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
