He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
