The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize