Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
