THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
