where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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