I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
