it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
