I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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