I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
