I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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