Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
