So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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