tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she peed on how many people?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
