When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
