I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
