Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
