Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
