Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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