I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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