I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
