dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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