the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
handjob tips. give me some.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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