.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
how does that bad decision feel?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize