He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
