girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Too much gin, very little bucket
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
