I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
