cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
this is an emotional support booty call
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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