my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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