I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize