I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
