Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
