You really coming over, don't trick.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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