so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
