Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize