Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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