Swine flu is the new snow day.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
