If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
