Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize