Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
