Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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