My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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