I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize