Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
