The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
