she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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