I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
