I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
