Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
