Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
