Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
