Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
