Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
