the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
