U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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