So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize