After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
