The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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